Ruminations on Dating

Let’s be honest. I suck at dating. For one, I can never tell when a guy is interested. I grew up as the only girl in an extended family full of guy cousins. The street I grew up on had one other girl and when I ran into her again years later, I couldn’t tell her gender (no judgement – just saying I was not surrounded by girly-ness growing up). As such, I grew up goofing off with, being inappropriate around, and generally treating guys like they weren’t anything special. Nowadays, when you banter with a guy in bar over a drink, it means something. Usually that they’re interested, but to me, that’s how I interact with guys. It doesn’t mean anything. Not going to lie, coupled with my simultaneous desire to make new friends and inability to say no when asked for my number, this has gotten me into trouble many times.

Secondly, I fall fast and I fall hard. I don’t know why I do this but I do. It helps that most of the guys I see are amazing people in their own right. But really, it’s a pain in my behind. It makes casually dating impossible. It makes flirting take on a whole new meaning. Although the one exception to this rule is for guys I remain friends with after having dated once. Falling for someone a second time…well that’s rare.

All of this combines to create a situation wherein I usually end up getting hurt somehow. Because, let’s be honest, no one walks away from a dating situation where real feelings were involved unhurt. Somehow there’s always a scar. I guess the trick is to let the old scars heal before diving back in to risk new ones.


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