Lessons from My “Big Girl” Lunch

It should come as no surprise that the least favorite aspect of my job is networking. I am much more comfortable communicating and expressing myself in writing than in person. For one thing, I can edit myself easier. For another, my inevitable pauses disappear in writing because I have to finish a complete thought before publishing, whether by hitting the “publish” button on WordPress or the “send” button on an e-mail.

This little fear of mine gets all the more interesting due to the fact that I am a registered lobbyist. Which essentially means 85% of my job should entail networking.

Yeah. That’s fun.

I’ve managed to power through the fear and nausea in various ways. By telling myself they know less, they have less experience, they don’t care as much about the issue. I always was able to cast myself as the “expert” which made me feel more confident.

Lately, however, my boss has started backing off the lobbying and started transitioning her lobbying duties, such as networking lunches, to me as well. Meaning, I am now responsible for being our company’s liason with other lobbyists.

That is, people who have more knowledge, more experience, care as much, and are older than me. Essentially, my boss is sending me into situations as her stand-in and trusting me not to screw it up.

As someone who has pretty significant communication anxiety, here are some lessons I’ve learned through this trial by fire:

1. Act Confident. No one will know you’re shaking on the inside if you have a firm handshake, friendly smile, and good posture. Granted, confidence isn’t all physical, but just like fake smiling can lead to a sunnier outlook, physically faking confidence can lead to the genuine thing.
2. Be Prepared. Just like the Boy Scouts, if you walk into a situation having done your homework, you’re more likely to know the answers to questions thrown your way.
3. “Let me get back to you on that” is always an acceptable answer. No one is going to know the answer to every question they’re given and no one expects you to know the answer to every question you are asked. Now, you can’t say this to every question asked and you do have to get back with them in a timely manner but it does take the pressure off in the moment.
4. Recognize you’re not being set up for failure. Now this one sounds kind of paranoid but there really is no other way to put it. Your boss would not put you in a situation they don’t think you can handle. They also do not want you to go into the situation feeling uncomfortable and would probably be more than happy to sit down with you before to cover the goals of the meeting and what she wants you to walk away with.
5. Get to know people. Trust me on this, it’s practically impossible to be intimidated by someone whose weekend plans you know.

Step One: The Parents Meet

Now that the fiancé and I have announced to the world that we’re getting married in June, the first thing we realized we had to do was introduce our parents.

And by “we,” we meant “me.” As in gather our two sets of parents, each slightly crazy in their own right, in a confined space and hope everyone walked out alive…on my own.

We both absolutely adore our parents and are two of those lucky people who actually count their parents as friends. (No, really, my mom and I are creepily close. It’s a bit freaky the things she knows.) It’s not that I was worried about them getting along…I was worried about them getting along too well.

In my head, they would meet, become instant friends, and immediately bond over embarrassing childhood pictures and stories and only I would be there to blush.

I’m sorry but if my parents are going to humiliate me with the things I did as a 5 year old (and there is a picture my mother has been holding over my head for 20 years), my significant other is going to be in the room so his parents can return the favor. (Vindictive? Maybe. Fair? Yes.)

In preparing for this sojourn to the land of my betrothed’s childhood,  I called my mom to see what the plan was. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey mom. I was just wondering what the plan was this weekend. You see, there’s this party Saturday night…

Mom: Well, we’re going to get there around 1:30, take a walk around downtown Staunton, have dinner, and then take a hike in the morning.

Me: ………………….

Mom: You still there?

Me: Yes. Did I hear you correctly? Did you say a morning hike?

Mom: Yep! Did I not mention it’s an overnight trip?

At that point, my anxiety took a one way trip to the moon. For those of you that don’t know me, I’m not good with new people in unfamiliar situations. I tend to imagine the worst things that could happen, become convinced they will happen, and spend my time mentally preparing for them. The fiancé definitely earned his keep over the past week talking me down off a variety of ledges.

I did feel bad for the guy. He’s 2,500 miles away and, as stressful as these things are, they are also important steps in merging these two families and he can’t be there for it.

However, he did himself no favors in currying our sympathy when on the mega-family Skype call he announced that he had barely been able to sleep the night before because he was so excited for us.

I knew things would be ok when all six of us gathered around the kitchen table, in unison, laughed and said some variety of “Not me! I was scared to death!” Then his father cocked an eyebrow and quipped “One of these things is not like the other.” After that, the rest was cake.

 

Big News

The past two weeks have been the most insane two weeks of my life to date, and I wish I were engaging in hyperbole when I say that.

In the past two weeks, I’ve gotten engaged, decided to elope in June, flown to California to see my fiance, and spread the news far and wide before going all Facebook official a few days ago.

That’s right. I’m engaged and getting married in approximately 3 months.

I cannot describe to you the level of freaking out I’ve managed to hit.

But, here’s the thing, I am madly, desperately, head over heels, romantic comedy level in love with this man. He is everything I need in a life partner. He’s my best friend, my confidante, calm when I’m not, curious, political, funny, social, active, old-fashioned, sweet, kind….Are you a little nauseous from the sweetness yet? I am a bit but it’s all true.

I assume you probably have some questions. (Well, all 5 of you who read this.)

1) Will I be moving to CA after we’re married? Hell no. I’m sorry but I’m an East Coast girl through and through. You will have to drag me kicking and screaming from the Atlantic coast. We will continue to be a bi-coastal couple until he gets new orders that will, hopefully, bring him back east. If he doesn’t, well, then I’ll move.

2) Really? Eloping? Why not just have a long engagement? There are a couple reasons for this. One – I’ve never been a fan of long engagements. Two – By eloping now and having a vow affirmation/reception once he’s back east, I save myself wedding day stress related to things inevitably going wrong on The Big Day and can focus on the promise I’m making to spend the rest of my life with this person. And, knowing me and my propensity for stressing out, this will save everyone some heartburn. Three – Did you know there are all sorts of military benefits once you’re married to a member of the Coast Guard? Well, there are and they will help us defray the cost of travelling to see one another. (Not to sound cold and calculating, but we did talk about this.) Four – Have I mentioned how much I love this man? It’s an insane amount and I cannot imagine one more day not married to him.

(I may have watched one too many romantic movies over the years.)

3) How often will you see him after you’re married? The answer to this is – not often enough. But! We have a back and forth plan that, for now, has us seeing each other once a month.

4) Doesn’t the concept of eloping involve, you know, secrecy? I guess, technically, this isn’t an elopement. I’ve started referring to it as a pseudo-elopement because, honestly, I could not imagine getting married without my parents there. Also, I would be murdered in my sleep by my friends if I got married without telling them.

So that’s it! That’s my news! That’s why I’m going to be crazily running around for the next 3 months!

I am so excited.